Yesterday's--I'll just say it--Freak Show

Anne is a big Guiness girl, and our friend Charles would also have loved yesterday's episode of Oprah--women folding themselves into suitcases, human-sized bubbles, fast clappers... of course, nothing was anywhere near the wonder of Lobster Boy, but that's another story (an E! THS, as a matter of fact).

Personally, I liked Sweet Pea the dog all right, but her tricks were so nerve-wracking (Will she be able to jump rope?! Will she carry that water on her nose up the stairs without spilling?!) that I didn't really enjoy them.

Some highlights:

Sweet Pea!

Grandma Small Waist. Oprah quote: "You don't feel... all kinda squooze up in there?"The apple slicing samurai!

Oh, and as for that book club selection, yeah, it was slightly surprising. But more shocking was the date that Oprah went on with The Pillars of the Earth author Ken Follett--"isn't this a red wine afternoon" indeed, Miss Flirt!

GalleyCat and PW have some dirt on O's choice of Eckhart Tolle's A New Earth--really I think it sounds in line with The Secret--and we'll be finding out more about this intriguing and upcoming "worldwide interactive class!" I don't know how they'll pull that off, but it starts Monday March 3rd, per O. Stay tuned.

Stephen Colbert's Pope-rah

Stephen Colbert coined a new term today: Pope-rah, from whom Obama takes counsel. I wish I could get his Pope-rah photo, which is truly genius. I also wish I was sure how to spell Pope-rah (Poprah?), but you know what I mean, right?

All hail, Pope-rah!

Cracker Wha?

On Wednesday’s Oprah that Melissa live blogged, she lost interest during the Dylan’s Candy Bar segment, but not me! I loves me some simple carbohydrates. I couldn’t wait to see Oprah’s reaction to the different kinds of candy. Here are my notes:

Pixy Stix Yes, Oprah likey the Pixy Stix. She chomped on grape one—my favorite flavor—during the segment. I knew we were candy soulmates. (Did anyone else ever snort lines of Pixy dust like I did?)

Conversation Hearts Oprah realized this candy sucks and moved on quickly to…

Pez Interestingly, Oprah said: “We didn’t have these in my neighborhood growing up!” As to say to Dylan Lauren: “Hey, you white rich daddy’s girl! Where I grew up, we po' people couldn't afford Pez.”

Tootsie Roll Oprah sings the Tootsie Roll jingle. This moment makes me uncomfortable.

Baby Ruth When Baby Ruth is introduced to the audience, it garners applause from the crowd. Huh? Do people actually even buy this candy? The only people I know who like Baby Ruth are my Grandpa and my Dad. And my Grandpa is dead. Translation: people who like Baby Ruth are old.

Cracker Jack The crowd went WILD when it came to Cracker Jack. It was if they were at a "Favorite Things" show. This reaction dumbfounded me even more than the Baby Ruth appreciation. I mean, all Cracker Jack is a cheap cardboard box filled with stale caramel popcorn and peanuts. And forget the glorious “prize” in the box. These days, it’s usually a tattoo of a bumblebee or a dinosaur.

So, that was the candy segment. Surprise, surprise -- the crowd got a bunch of free candy. But, honestly, this assortment of candy is all the crappy candy you wish you never got trick or treating.

DDL, Heath and the Oscars, Oprah-style

Did anyone see Daniel Day Lewis break the Oprah interview to mourn Heath Ledger today?! It was very moving. Nice, DDL. Do you think his friends call him Deedee? I still have to see There Will be Blood.
I picture Oprah and Stedman (and Gayle?) watching their screeners in Oprah's home theater. Oh, how I wish I could be there to pass the popcorn. I'm willing to bet Oprah has a real popper in at least one of her houses (she had one on stage today in the background just as a prop!). Anyone have inside knowledge on Oprah's home furnishings? Has her theater been featured in O at Home? Who has the scoop?

Does anyone else think it's slightly weird how into "Oscar Sunday" Oprah gets? And how into Oprah the Oscars are (I mean, that day-after interview in the Kodak Theatre is kind of intense, especially for hungover stars).

I recognize that there are few smooth transitions in this post. I'm really just stream-of-consciousness posting while I wait for Anne to chime in. She, as a sweet-toothed monster, loved the candy segment yesterday. So what's up, Anne? Where's the new entry?

(Don't worry--she works well under pressure.)

Liveblogging Oprah's "America" show, for reals

Confession time: I watched Monday's MLK tribute show while multitasking, so I only really took in part of it. Was that bad? And I'm waiting to watch Tuesday's "quit smoking" show with my boyfriend, who needs to--ahem--quit smoking. He will be watching the whole thing, even if I have to tie him down.

But this "American Classics" show today? I'm liveblogging it! You know, just to see how it goes.

First of all, it's starting out like an "Oprah's memories" segment. I knew she was gonna bring up that Charlie girl! She always talks about that shiz. I think you can still get Charlie perfume, but it's a blue-light special these days, not a high-class brand. Still, that was quite an ad campaign. Kind of like the Mary Tyler Moore of perfumes, right O?

The whole theme of this show seems a little weird. Is it the 4th of July or something? How does Marc Summers (who has a really weird website--check it out) know so much about hot dogs and MoonPies?

Nike, Apple, Mickey Mouse? Yeah, yeah. They don't really need this press, O. I'm more interested in...

Oh wait--what's this? Ruby Slippers?! The real ones?! I have chills. I seriously do. That Smithsonian man won't let Oprah touch them! Even with gloves on. Oh, but she's getting to touch them now and she's closing her eyes and saying "magic powers, magic powers" and that is exactly what I would say if I could hold them. More proof: Lady O and I are the same!

A leather jacket is up next. Indiana Jones maybe? That's a guess. I haven't heard yet. See how this liveblogging works? I'm wrong! It's Fonzie's jacket! Oops.

Okay, so we're also looking at Rocky's and Joe Lewis's boxing gloves and Abe Lincoln's log splitter.

Break. Now, Chris Rock is finding out about his ancestry--his great-great grandfather, Julius Caesar Tingman, served in the Union Army in the Civil War--and he's crying. I am crying. I am. I love Chris Rock. Get more information on the PBS show African American Lives 2. Chris wants Good Times back on her new network! JJ! JJ! But Oprah says, "I don't think that'll happen." Sigh.

The end.

I'm not sure this liveblogging thing was fun for anyone but me... but I may try it again one day. Check the time if you doubt me. I have to add some links in but then this baby's live!

I've already admitted to my jealousy of Diablo Cody (nee Brook Busey-Hunt), Juno's screenwriter (who is, by the way, exactly one year and 10 days younger than I am). And now, with Juno getting a full segment on Oprah, I am seeing waves and waves of green envy!

Diablo's younger-than-my ass actually got to grace the buttery soft, cream-colored couch on the Harpo stage. Can you imagine? Heaven!

And Oprah kept calling the story "fresh, fresh fresh!" Even Stedman liked it.

You can watch a clip on Jezebel. Diablo-Brook called the experience "peyote-weird" on her myspace blog.

Congrats, Diablo-Brook. Damn you.

Oprah OWNs It

It’s been an active week in the world of Oprah. As Melissa nicely blogged, new episodes began airing this week! Finally, there’s a reason to live again. And what a way to kick off 2008 than a show all about fat people. If there’s one thing Oprah and Oprah fans have in common, it’s their love for the obese.

In other exciting news, it was announced yesterday that O would be launching her own TV network called OWN (Oprah Winfrey Network), that will be available to 70 million viewers on satellite television. "This is an evolution of what I've been able to do every day," Winfrey said. "I will now have the opportunity to do this 24 hours a day on a platform that goes on forever," she added.

This is a great day for fans whose appetite for all things Oprah was not satiated with a dose of “Oprah After the Show.” She’ll be like a 24 hour diner, and we’ll be her customer that wants pancakes at 3 AM.

I wonder if this was on her dream board. Or maybe… it was on MINE.

A Confession: I Love Fat Shows

Finally! Oprah was really pushing it with all those reruns, but she's back now so I embrace her once again. And the first new episode of 2008 was a WINNER!

First, I must confess that I am obsessed with shows about weight issues -- The Biggest Loser, Big Medicine, True Life: I'm Obese, and any episode of Oprah that involves Bob Greene. I may be a little sick -- I really like the journeys that fat people go through. Maybe it's because I'm afraid of my inner big girl (who is lurking just beneath the surface and ready to eat Honey BBQ Fritos dipped in Ranch all day long), maybe it's the emotional angst of overweight people that moves me to tears, or maybe it's the satisfaction of seeing the physical transformations. All I know is: If you're fat, I'm all about watching you get thin on TV.

Now that I've gotten that off my chest, let me highlight some favorite parts of the episode:

Watching Jeff go to the gym made me feel like a total ass for skipping pilates this morning. The over-500-lb. inspiration in 6XL even leads some of the water aerobics class. Oprah calls him, "Incredible." I'll say it: I think Jeff deserved an ugly cry.

Whoa! A segment on extra-large caskets from the Goliath Casket Company, which builds caskets for people up to 1000 lbs. This was an unexpectedly dark moment for Lady O, and I like it.

The before-and-afters were great, but I'm looking forward to watching our Mississippi friends lose weight over the course of the year -- when it comes to weight loss, I'm really about the journey, not the destination.

Oh, and I love that Oprah drinks and talks about drinking on the show. It makes me feel better about my own love of alcohol. Down that bubbly, Miss O!

This is our year, indeed.

Oh wait, Oprah likes it?

Yesterday, after having lunch with my coworkers at a new vegetarian establishment, we walked by a Garrett popcorn shop. For those not familiar, Garrett is a famous brand of popcorn from Chicago. Oprah has selected it not once, but twice, for her Favorite Things show in both 2002 and 2005, so you know it’s gotta be good. When my boss suggested we stop in for a little afternoon delight, I was more than pleased! It’s like, I would grow closer to Oprah by experiencing this popcorn.

When we walked into the store, there were little samples of caramel and cheddar popcorn mixed together. I’m not one to turn down a free sample, but that combination of tastes really made my stomach turn. I said out loud: ‘That sounds disgusting! Who would want to eat this? Fools!’ Then my coworker informed me that the caramel and cheddar combo is Oprah’s favorite! I felt like I had been slapped across the face by the hand of Oprah herself! The shame I felt was palpable.

Of course, then I had to try the formerly disgusting caramel/cheddar popcorn, and it was delicious: sweet, savory, with a tangy twist. A glorious revelation for my taste buds!

Or maybe it was disgusting and my mind was playing Oprahs on me.

I need help.

Neti Mania!

I love my neti pot, which looks just like the image to the left (although you can also get tin man varieties, which look like this). I admit it--I got it after Dr. Oz introduced it on Oprah. Now, it seems, the neti pot is a genuine phenomenon. Well, at least according to The New York Times.

Yes, it's a little gross and it sort of feels like you're drowning while you're using it. But if you breathe through your mouth and keep your head at the right angle, it's so satisfying to get all that junk out of your nose! I promise.

Of course, I'm the girl who got intense joy from picking rocks out of the bottom of her jelly shoes after a long day of walking on my gravel driveway, so I might be weird. But whatever.

Dr. Oz and Oprah say, Try it!

You can order your own here.